I'm jealous of your bromance
Quick, to the slutcave!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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