He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i think i just lost a toe
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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