So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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