I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize