I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can I color on your dick again?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize