we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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