she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
