I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
