HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
