are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
