You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I touched a dick in church today
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
