first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
