I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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