i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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