problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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