Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
being pregnant is like rehab
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
