His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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