She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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