you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
