I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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