the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
foreskin is a definite game changer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
