i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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