I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
