Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
