Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I party with great urgency now.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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