Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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