I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
