I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
