Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
