White coat. Heels.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
