You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
