Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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