3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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