It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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