he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize