Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
