i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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