OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
