Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
