Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
