god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
