Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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