dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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