So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
