So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
