3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How does one acquire holy water?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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