So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
