I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
