butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
