dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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