Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
