I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
