i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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