he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need moral support for this bender
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
