Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
