roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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