once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
