It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
