YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
