i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
