just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize