she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
