I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
