Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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