it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
FUCK WHALES
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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