Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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