So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
