I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Randomize
