It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
