i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
