If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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