It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize